It should be noted that none of your life skills to date have prepared you for this.
The excitement is often affiliated with a hint of naivety. If I were to convey what wearing a saree is like in a metaphor, it would probably involve a cheating boyfriend and not knowing when the whole thing will fall apart.
2. Mourning your excitement that has promptly deflated
The novelty of wearing a saree wears off as soon as you realise you have to iron your saree of choice.
Realising that you can’t drink water once you’ve put your saree on because you’re going to need a support group and a Xanax to get it off
I don’t mean to sound dramatic but is a key part of wearing a saree keeping your fingers crossed in the hope that you don’t randomly pass out due to chronic dehydration?
4. The Bollywood stage
You are not Rekha, but you’re going pretend you are, in the mirror, for about five minutes until your sister throws a coaster at your head and starts filming the ordeal for Snapchat
5. Storytime with your Mum
Your Mom telling you that this was the first saree she ever bought with her first wages/ this was the saree she wore for her first date with Papa/ /this is the first saree she wore, ever /how slim she used to be…
This is probably the best part of the process because it’s like the daily gossip you have with your mom, but this time there will be a productive outcome.
6. Your Mom telling you can’t wear a sports bra under your saree
This is the worst part of the process. But you must fight your corner and free yourself from the harsh grasp of the £24.99 underwired bra from Anne Summers.
Free the nip and that.
This step is followed by you either ignoring your Mother’s advice and wearing a sports bra anyway or changing, but it mainly depends on how strong you are as a person.
7. Regretting your decision to wear a saree immensely
You’ve decided it doesn’t look cute and your Mom is tying it like you’re a nun. Note to self; this is not why I avoid carbs on Thursday.
8. Reminding yourself that Manish Malhotra said Indian women should know how to tie a saree
Manish Malhotra is a fashion designer in India and his Instagram has led me to believe that he specialises in making sparkly clothes.
But the real quetion here is are you simply reminding yourself of his statement or are you giving yourself a gentle pep talk in order to carry on with the process?
9. Realising that your Mom has now taught you how to wear a saree and you weren’t listening
Naturally, you hear the bit where she says; ‘next time you can do this all by yourself’ and you’re stood there making a mental note to teach Dadi (grandma) how to use FaceTime because you have no idea what’s going on.
10. Coming downstairs and your Dad laughing at you because you’re struggling to walk
Is your Dad even your Dad if he doesn’t make fun of you when you’re waddling through the living room door holding the pleats of your saree in your left hand because your Mom told you to go show him your outfit.
To conclude, wearing a saree is like drinking 3 tequila shots and 4 strawberry daiquiri’s – we all say we’re never doing that again – until the next time we feel a sudden rush of excitement affiliated with a hint of naivety.
Shawn Mendes – Treat You Better
2. Mujhse Dosti Karoge – Title Track
This is one of my fave Indian songs of all time and the post is about Indian things so including it in my list made sense.