Two emotionally unavailable peas in a pod

…and the pod is on fire.

Have you ever met a f*ck boy with a strange sense of urgency to meet the one? I wonder if he thinks talking to multiple girls at once is the best way to fast track the process? He seems to think dating is one big game show and systematically takes 3-4 months to whittle the best girls down to a semi-final. Then a final, before a winn..wife is crowned. There is not really a formal elimination process that will determine who is in his final, he’ll just ghost two but continue to watch their Snapchat/Instagram stories until she undergoes a ‘social media cleanse’ or dies.

In the final, it should be noted that neither contestants are aware of the fact that they are being pitted up against one another and that several other ‘judges’ (his boi’s or Mum, depending on your type) have now become extremely invested in this situation.

This Wasteman probably thinks he’s being really sleek when it’s really just ruining his credibility because realistically, girls will find out, join forces, and set your car on fire.

Not that this will encourage him to get his act together, he’ll just orchestrate another game show within a 15-mile radius of the last one.

Over time, I’ve managed to develop a theory on dating. I believe that everyone has to go through their own version of a nightmare game show. I like to think this experience is sort of like a right of passage to a healthy relationship. The game show relationship with this guy may lead to life-long trust issues, but the older you get, the more you’ll begin to see your relationship as a form of character building. Though it’s the type of character building you could have learnt second-hand through a book or one of your friends, but character building none the less.

On the other hand, have you ever met someone and judged them for being emotionally unavailable whilst they are judging you for being emotionally unavailable?  But like what am I supposed to say; “Hello, my name is Ila and I think I am emotionally unavailable?”

  • Okay side note, am I saying this at the start of my Ted Talk or introducing myself in a support group?

At university, some people, in what always seemed like an overflowing social circle, thought it would be funny to brand me as having commitment issues. But when the same girl broke up with her boyfriend, she started referring all of her single friends as ‘confident and independent’ and made the opinion of this source a lot less reliable.

Also, in my defence, ignoring boys when you have exams is literally one of the rules of feminism.

Despite being made to feel like an eccentric maverick for choosing to stay single for a period of time, a recent survey carried out by Tinder stated that 72% of millennials have also come to a similar conclusion. In 2018 Tinder claimed that most millennials have made the conscious decision to stay single in order to focus on their school, career, hobbies and social lives. Furthermore, most millennials believe that romantic relationships should be a healthy addition to your life and not the sole root of your self-esteem and worth. This survey indicates that people have started to reject the idea that they must make sacrifices and compromises in order to obtain the ‘ideal’ relationship. This new revelation is particularly important because it promotes a sense of equality in relationships that were wishful thinking before. But it also rejects the Prince Charming narrative, which I am so relieved about. In my head, this concept became redundant when I read ‘Not my Best Side’ by Caroline Duffy and the premise of the poem is that the princess prefers the dragon.

It could be argued that none of the characters in this poem are particularly emotionally available and it seems like they are just looking for love because society has told them too.

In reality, the princess is an unwarranted perv, the prince is enticed by the title of being a hero but is far too interested in playing with his gadgets and could potentially have a small dick complex. All whilst, the dragon spends the entire poem trying to find his best profile side, as opposed to intimidating innocent civilians just because he can breathe fire out of his nostrils on command.

Despite the narcissism, these characters do deserve love, eventually. But are they ready for it right now? Surely being presented with someone you would be perfect with before you’re ready is just cruel? But does this mean the foundation of love revolves around timing or do soul-mates really exist? Am I marrying my soul-mate or am I just marrying the 3rd person I’ve dated in my mid to late twenties and decided to settle down before society, despite modern science, tells me to start freezing my eggs.

But now I’m wondering, if I had met my high school boyfriend last would I have married him? If I had met this guy at university a lot later in my life, would we have actually dated?

Is it fair to blame all on this of bad timing or should I apologise for being emotionally unavailable? Although, is there any point now that Tinder has stated that being single is the next big trend?

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